For Such A Time As This... (5 weeks in East Asia.)

This was my second time going to the same city in East Asia, and honestly a part of me thought it wouldn't be that bad. I knew I had some understanding of the people, the language, the city and even the ministry there. Yet, God is fast at humbling the proud. After getting off the plane and going into this land, I knew I was entering a place of darkness. Yet, a place I knew He was calling me to.

|| The Lord is quick to humble you when you think you have it all together. He reminds you that He has complete control over all things, (Job 10:12) He gets all the glory (Romans 11:36) and that He is worthy of all our praise from it. (Psalm 96:4) ||

Our main task while we were there was to go to different college campuses throughout the morning, and then meet with students in the afternoon on campus with them. Our time in the morning was spent prayer walking, and this is where our biggest work was done. To be honest, we weren't fully prepared to prayer walk so much. To be really honest, we were set on having the expectation that most of our time would be spent with the students directly and sharing the gospel with them. To do all the "glory" work instead of all the hard work of prayer. Although we did get to spend time with students and share with them, our main harvest work was done while walking and not by speaking. 

This was so hard for me. I'm definitely a people person, so with most of our time being spent praying for them instead of speaking with them -- that was a wake up call for me. We would walk around campus and see everything before us. This is what made it the hardest. I would see women walking at night as they hopped on the back of a random man's motorbike. The children, walking behind their grandparents who were their primary care-taker. The students, who were focused on their study and had no desire to speak about God. I saw girls who felt they were not beautiful enough. Abortion advertisements. Men who were hunting for young girls. Riots. Government police on every block. Buddhas everywhere, along with other earthly things they saw would bring them fortune and luck. As I walked, I often felt spirits that weren't of The Lord. I saw a lot of chaotic things, and each time I prayer walked I was left feeling discouraged and sorrowful from seeing and feeling so much brokenness.

But God... He answered my prayer that He would break my heart for what broke His heart. When I walked around and saw people completely separated from Him - it often left me in tears. I wasn't expecting for Him to have me feel sorrowful and to weep, but there were days where I just wept. I would lock myself in my apartment room and not want to go back out into a world that was broken. I felt weak and too small to be used. Yet, The Lord started to work in my heart. Instead of feeling a earthly sorrow for them without hope, He gave me an eternity sorrow for them that was with hope.  I prayed more than I had ever prayed before this trip, and it led me to have total dependence on God. I understood then that bold prayers honored a bold and powerful God. 

As sorrowful as I was for them, I had to understand that He was more sorrowful for them than I ever could be. His love is better than what I could ever give, and this simple truth is what kept me going on those hard days on the East Asian streets.

As I saw faces, it hit me hard that there is such a time for me to be here. Yet, God didn't need me. He doesn't need us to go and tell others about Him, but He chooses to use us. It brings Him enjoyment. We, little piles of dust, bring The Father - enjoyment. I realized then that I was chosen, I was chosen from salvation (Ephesians 1:3-4) to now chosen to tell others about that salvation. (Acts 26:16-18) 

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For the moments where I was able to share the gospel, I realized these university students were all kinds of soil. Most of them, were soil that had never been touched before. No one had shared with them the gospel, and they didn't want anything to do with God. They felt like they held their own future in their hands and that God had no part of it. They liked to be in control. This was most of the summer, was dealing with hard soil and trying to seek out people of peace. Each day we prayed, and each day I saw God start to answer prayer. Towards the end of our stay there, we saw people with soil that was starting to be fruit. I've had different students tell me when they saw me worship or hear me tell them the gospel - they felt a stirring in their heart they couldn't explain. Suddenly, our summer full of tough soil started to become soil God was growing. I am thankful for the season of hardship, because it taught me only through the power of the Holy Spirit were these souls starting to be awaken. Not by my own power, but through His Spirit that lives inside of me (Romans 8:11)

Ephesians 4:21-24 would be the passage I would use to describe my 5 weeks living overseas. 

"...assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, ²² to put off your old self,^[a] which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, ²³ and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."

 

I battled with a lot of my selfish desires. My desire to want to be in control. To make myself look better to be accepted more. My flesh showed more on this trip than I think it ever had. I thought I would go to East Asia, and show everyone how righteous I was because of God. Instead, The Lord wrecked me.

He wrecked me of my expectations. 

He wrecked me of my pride. 

He wrecked me of my selfish ambitions. 

He wrecked me, because He loved me.  

This was the hardest summer I went through. Yet, I'm glad I went through it because The Lord was faithful through it all. On the days I felt empty, He taught me I needed to be filled. (Mark 1:35) When I felt ugly, He showed me my identity in Him. (Romans 8:17) And when I felt hopeless, He showed me His power. (2 Corinthians 2:14)

This was the summer of learning that I'm merely just the clay, and He is the molder. Able to change and mold the brokenness we are, for His pleasure and glory. Praise God. 

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Although no one came to know Christ while we were there, I was still able to praise God. It was hard to fight for joy on the days dealing with hard soil - yet God was and is still so good. For the few moments I was able to connect with the students, I was able to see why He placed me there for such a time. My prayer is for all the future teams working with the same and new students there - that they would experience The Lord in such an intimate way that it changes them.

"Tearing through the night, riding on the storm

Staring down the fight, my eyes found Yours

Shining like the sun, striding through my fear

The Prince of Peace met me there

You heard my prayer."

 

 Thanks for reading and supporting me! I appreciate it more than you know.

 - Sam Jimenez

He Wants Your Broken Heart

"I am so thankful for your heart."

I've heard this many different times from many different people. Every time I've heard it, either as I walked down the hallway from church or when a friend met up with me for coffee - I've always been left confused or sometimes angry from their comment. I would think, "surely they don't realize how broken and bruised my heart is? What do they mean?" How could someone be thankful for a heart like mine? A heart that is tempted to constantly hide from God, a heart that is used to finding fulfillment in other things, and a heart that has been through so much heartache that it lost count. I used to think I knew my heart better than anyone, but it wasn't until The Lord worked in me and showed me that He is the only person who truly knows my heart - and even so He still wants it.

The Bible has a lot to say about the heart, and how deceitful it can be and how we shouldn't follow it's desires. The heart is ever changing. I know for myself, my heart can be broken in a instant and left bruised for awhile. My heart can be quick to hold onto grudges, and slow to open up to others. My heart is full of temptation and pride. This doesn't even begin to cover the surface if we are being real.

Yet, I realized two of the most beautiful words in the Bible, had already been applied to my own life:
"But, God..." opened my eyes.
"But, God..." transformed my heart.
"But, God..."  made me new in HIM.

He gave me eyes to see Him, ears to Hear Him and a heart to know Him.

God's word may say things about our heart, but it also says a lot about what God has done in our hearts. When sin entered this world, we didn't need a behavior change - we needed a complete heart change. Our hearts were once hard as rock, but they're now soften with His spirit within us (Romans 8:11). Our hearts have eternity placed in them (Ecclesiastes 3:11) and our hearts have been made new. (Ephesians 1:7) Jesus came to save us from our sin, but also so that we may know Him and accept Him into our hearts. The Holy, perfect and mighty God wants our bruised, broken and little hearts. How humbling is this?

So when someone says, "I am so thankful for your heart," I now know and believe they're talking about all the work The Lord has done in my heart. My heart is constantly being renewed and sanctified, and it is this that produces fruit for others to see. Yet at the same time, my heart is still ever changing with it's feelings and doubts. One thing doesn't change though, and that's Jesus Christ.

Even when our flesh and our hearts fail us, He is our strength and our portion forever. We can have rest in that, knowing that what Christ did on the cross redeems even the biggest pits in our heart.


- Sam

"Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God. Let Your good spirit lead me on level ground." Psalm 143:10 

"Lord, I am tired."

A few weeks ago, I woke up at 5am. Normally when this happens I tell myself, "nope" and try going back to sleep. This time, I tried doing that same routine but ended up failing. I thought to myself that this must be "a God thing," so I'd better get out of bed and see why He woke me up at this hour. Selfishness filled my body as I got out of the comfort of my warm bed and turned on the bright light. Immediately I pulled out my Bible, but before turning into the pages I remember having a conversation with God.

"Lord, I'm tired."

"Lord... I am tired of feeling alone."

"Lord... I am tired of not feeling beautiful."

"Lord... I am tired of not desiring you above all."

I was tired of trying to take over the control of my life. Soon, the sleepiness wore off and I found myself crying on my bathroom floor at 5AM - alone. Glamorous, right? I was there alone with my thoughts and temptations... I was forced to see who I really was: broken. Normally, when I feel like crying in a crowd full of people I just quickly go to a bathroom to try to get myself together. I wipe off my makeup smears and try to quickly reapply what was washed away. I always have to give myself a little pep talk, such as "Sam, you can do this," or "Sam, everything will be okay," then I slip back into the room like nothing happened. Most of the time, it's myself trying to encourage me. It's myself wiping away my tears and hurts and not letting God do it instead. I've been stuck in a pit on relying on my own power and not on The Lord's.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

1) "Lord, I am tired."
Yes, we've all at some point mumbled this under our breath as we headed to the library or from leaving a 6 hour shift. I was definitely feeling tired from countless of hours studying, working and still not feeling like I was making a impact through my ministry or physical efforts of trying to lose weight. I was just flat out tired, and I knew it was much more than a physical weariness. Feeling spiritually tired can be even more draining - you feel disconnected and left empty.

2) "Lord, I am tired of feeling alone."
This thought often crosses my mind, especially late at night when I feel my insecurities come out the most. I've felt alone from missing out from hangouts, or even from being with my friends - but more than anything I've felt alone in my temptations. The enemy does this often to all of us - you feel alone in what you're struggling with behind close doors. You tell yourself that you must be the only Christian who struggles with this, and then you're filled with shame. I've often found myself in this pit of shame, and it's left me tired and empty.

3) "Lord... I am tired of not feeling beautiful."
The world tells us one thing, and God tell us another on what the expectations are for beauty. Self image is something I've always struggled with, and now that I'm in college I've been under the curse of comparison. Matt Chandler once said that one of the biggest roots of sin in women is comparison. It's incredibly easy to do and incredibly hard to stop. When I see a girl who loves Jesus so much and is beautiful - instead of feeling encouraged by her my heart is often feeling jealous and empty.

4) "Lord... I am tired of not desiring you above all."

There are times where it's a struggle to open my bible. Where it's a struggle to want to pray and to want to worship. Sometimes you're either so physically tied or so spiritually drained that you are left empty in your desires for God. This was certainly how I felt on that bathroom floor - empty and tired of not desiring God. I was tired of putting other things and people in front of God. I was left empty.

But then God spoke.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"There is a tendency in each of us to resist the leadership of God, but there is also a tendency in God to chase us. His tendency to chase, to grab us and lead us to where we are to be - that is called grace."

- Ben Stuart

While on my bathroom floor, I felt God's hand on me. I felt so small, but it was only then that I realized how selfish I was being. All of these thoughts of feeling alone, tired and that I wasn't beautiful... they were all thoughts on myself. I was focusing on the things that I felt I lacked instead of focusing on what God has already given me abundantly: grace. 

I was resisting the power and leadership of God by having my hands in fists instead of having them be open to Him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

When I am weak, both spiritually and physically... He tells me His grace is sufficient for me. (2 Cor 12:9)
When  I feel alone, He tells me that HIS Holy Spirit has been placed inside of me. (Romans 8:11)
When I don't feel beautiful, He tells me no one who fears the Lord lacks no good thing. (Psalm 34:9-10)

When I don't desire God, I am reminded on who He is:

That He brings healing to my flesh  and refreshment to my bones (Proverbs 3:7-8)

That He has set me free from my feelings and from my temptations. I am no longer a slave to sin. (Romans 6:14)

That He loved me enough to die on the cross for me. I am His. (John 1:12-13)

He reminds me of grace, and how that grace is more than enough.


So, I'm sure I may have more early mornings where I cry on my bathroom floor because I am tired and just a mess. Yet, in my weaknesses I know God will be glorified. He will be glorified through me seeing how much I NEED my Savior, and how there is a great need to run to Him. When you're feeling empty, I hope and pray that you will lean on The Lord to fill you. 

There is a worship song by HouseFires that is my favorite, it is called "Come to the River," and this blogpost was inspired by it. Please give it a listen when you can!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKVHGi1iRLE

"Come to the water, all who are thirsty - come and drink.

Come to the table, all who are hungry - come and feast.

Those who are weary, those who are needy - come receive."

Your Friend,

Sam.

"A Very Present Help in Trouble,"

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change.” Psalm 46:1-2

“Psalm 46 extols the adequacy of God in facing threats from nature and the nations. God indeed protects His people upon the earth. The major burden of Ps 46 is that God provides stability for His people who live in two exceedingly unstable environments.”

View of the city from my apartment bedroom window, 10th floor.

Every morning while in East Asia, we went to our team leader's room to have a morning devotional before we went out to roam the city we were sent to, with over 8 million people who didn't know who Jesus truly is. We made our separate ways to the 21st floor of our apartment each morning, with tired eyes and often tired hearts, yet we left encouraged and empowered by God's Word. Matt, our team leader, would read Psalm 46 to us every morning, and encouraged us that Our God is a very present help in trouble. We were enlightened by that as we rose each morning that God was present with us, and that His love had no limits on the map, but that instead it reached as far as the East is from the West. He was present with us, and His presence is where we found our peace and comfort before going out into the world. The God of The Bible is the same God who was with us and who would lead us. Along with God's word, we prayed. We prayed harder than we’d ever prayed before. We knew that it would only be God who would get us through our 15-hour days and who would strengthen us to walk about 14+ miles each day. Most importantly, we knew that it would be God alone who could change and awaken the hearts of the people of East Asia. It was mornings of humility, which would linger throughout the rest of our days as we were sent out. We saw the Father's power as we came together as one body, and prayed for each other and for the people we would be reaching out to. There was one morning when we discovered that a handful of us were all having nightmares (including myself,) while others were feeling sick - yet through the Grace and power of God, we saw Him cover us against Satan's attacks. The power of prayer was vital, and showed us daily that it wasn't us who worked, but God.

“As far as the East is from the West, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12

I, a team of 9 other college students from the Texas area, and one adult coordinator went to go serve overseas in East Asia during our Christmas break. We worked with a local missionary family who have lived in East Asia for 6 years, and they connected us to local foreign teachers (who were all believers) in the city who taught at the universities we were going to visit. The teachers held Christmas parties for their students, which was a fun and quick way for us to break the ice with the students. Most importantly, the main purpose for these parties was to have a safe space where we could meet the students and get their contact information to meet with them while we were in their city. We were intentional with them, and made appointments during the week to spend time with them and build relationships with them. This ranged from shopping with them, going out to restaurants, museums, and parks, to meeting up for coffee, playing basketball, or even spending time teaching each other our different languages and cultures (one of my favorite memories with them). The students were extremely eager to spend time with us-- they showered with compliments that we didn't necessarily deserve and it showed how much they valued us being kind and wanting to spend time with them. Another way we were able to make appointments with them was by going to their classrooms when they had foreigners as their teachers. During our presentations we were able to introduce ourselves to the classes and show what life is like in America, and then play English games and talk with them. A big thing we also got to do while at the different campuses and parties was to share the hope of Jesus and the real reason why and how we celebrate Christmas as Christians. We did have some restrictions, of course, so most of the time we started off by telling them the Americanized version of Christmas with Santa Claus and presents. But then if we were able, we would lead into what the true gift was this Christmas: Jesus coming down and being born, offering us the free gift of salvation. 

At the Christmas parties at the teachers’ homes, we were able to share with them even more since it was off-campus and we were hardly limited. However, we also got to share the gospel with students who we met up with intentionally by appointment later in the week. Sharing the gospel with them was a bit tricky since we couldn't share in public places or with a lot of their friends around them. Most of the time, after getting to spend time with them multiple times and then with them feeling comfortable around us - we would invite them back to our apartments (which meant a lot to them to be invited into our homes) and share with them there since it was safe to. Meeting these students, serving them, loving them by showing Christ’s love, and making the effort to meet with them and tell them the gospel was our ministry and all that we could physically do: The Lord did the rest. He opened so many doors for us to share, broke language barriers, and He protected us as we served. He was present, and He is the one who saves lives - we were merely there to be used by Him and to declare His glory among those who may have never heard the name Jesus before.

“and He made from one man every nation and mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.”

Acts 17:26-27

 

To see God move in a place where He wasn't wanted, and to see Him come through the darkness of East Asia.... it encouraged me that our God is greater than any law, any persecution, and any earthly limits. That Jesus is a name above all names, and a name that changes lives. We went to churches in which we had to look down while entering and stay silent, and also to a house church where the door was soundproof, yet had a cross hanging on the door inside. This taught me that the believers of East Asia were holding onto JESUS, onto Yahweh. They were faced with trials and consequences because of their faith, yet seeing them worship and cling to God was incredibly inspiring. For them to love and choose God, even if it meant being seen as lowly and possibly being shut out of their families and schools (which often happened,) they still believe that Jesus is better. It’s their faith that is encouraging, and made me see how my life back in America, although blessed, was taken for granted. I don't have to fight for my faith, nor do I have to worry about being caught telling someone about it. Being in this country taught me humility and compassion. It taught me how to love people. Most of these students only had school on their minds so they could get a good, stable job to support their family. There is no other thought, and no thought on God especially. Yet, to get to know the students in an intimate way, and let them know that they were loved - that is where I learned how to love people and see them as Jesus sees them. To serve even when it's the hardest thing to do when you're dead tired, to have a love indescribable for the lost. It was all God who got us through it, and all the praise and honor goes to Him.

_________________________________________________________________________________

"They who had no news of Him shall see, and they who have not heard, shall understand.” Romans 15:21

_________________________________________________________________________________

The greatest thing I saw God do was transform hearts of those who did not know Him before. Even before we got to East Asia, we already knew of the drastic work God had been doing there and how the body was growing rapidly. So seeing 20 people come to Christ after a presentation of the gospel on the very first day we were there gave me a whole new level of humility. Humility in seeing that we were merely a small part of His work there, and that we weren't there to do all the work for Him, but that He was enough. He was present there, and to see His mighty works being done through us was humbling and increased my faith more than I ever thought it would. That even if it was a dark place, full of high abortion rates (with abortion clinics advertised regularly in girl's restrooms), unstable orphanages, idolatry, prostitution, red-light districts every few streets and, overall, where there was no desire of a higher purpose or God - His goodness shone through and continued to provide more ways for us to share and be the light in the dark. Through going to East Asia, and being forced out of my comfort zone more than ever before, I was shown that He was right there with me through it all. Through the struggles and discomforts, I learned to depend on Him more than I've ever had to, and my relationship with God grew. It was just Him and me there, and to see how present He was made all my doubts disappear. Even though I may have felt small, discouraged and forgotten - He was constantly showing us His grace, mercy and steadfast love through it all.

"I'm lying down my life, I'm giving up control, never looking back – I surrender all. I'm living for your glory, on the earth. This passion in my heart, this storing in my soul – to see the nations bow for all the world to know.” Bethel Music, For the Sake of the World.

God has taught me that He is in complete control over everything. That may sound simple and elementary, but through this trip I was in constant awe of how much He was in control, and how regardless of us constantly being thrown obstacles, He was still sovereign. When we felt like we weren't being used or making an impact on the students we were meeting, God would show us that we were -- by Him and through Him only. When we felt discouraged and alone, God showed us the exact opposite. A prime example of this was when I got to share the gospel with a student, and as I shared with her I realized that she was hearing all of this for the very first time. I’d spent time with her during the week and we had a solid and steadily growing friendship, so I knew she had different
religious beliefs (Buddhist). However, as I shared with her, I did so differently than I did in America, because I knew she had a different starting point. After a call to response after sharing, she didn't accept and I felt discouraged immediately, since I was used to people back home accepting right away most of the time. Then God worked in my heart more than He has, and I learned a very hard and convicting lesson of humility: that it wasn't my words that were speaking to her, but The Lord's. Humility, in questioning my heart in this sense: did I want her to accept for my own glory, or for God's glory? The hard questions that we keep hidden in the back of our hearts while on the field were then exposed to me by God, and it forced me to learn that He was in control - not me. I continued to love on this girl, and through that she opened up to me more and showed more love back to me than she had before I shared. After seeing that The Lord was sovereign over everything, even thousands of miles away from home, I saw just how much bigger He was. Coming home, I received a message from this girl asking me where she could read the Bible. Through this, I knew that God was showing me that even if I may have felt like she was completely closed off while I was sharing with her, He instead planted a seed in her heart through me. God did the work and the sowing, and I was merely a vessel to be obedient and tell her who He was. I am praising God for His work in her, and also His work in myself through this particular experience in learning how to let go of the desire to be in control, and letting Him be in control.

It's been almost two months since I've been back home, and God is still at work in my heart and the hearts of the people of East Asia. The friends I've made there are friends who I still talk to regularly, thanks to the internet. The ones who became believers while we were there consistently send me questions and want to seek more of God who He is. All I can do is praise God with every breath and every song. He is good, and He is alive. The seeds were planted and, above all, God is still at work even if I'm miles away. His power has no limits or restrictions! Since coming back home, I cannot shake East Asia off my mind and my heart. I don't know when, but I do know that God is telling me that He wants me back there. My desire for East Asia keeps growing as I dig into the language, culture, and people more and more. By the grace of God, I have met new friends here at my school who once lived in the same city I went to, and I cannot help but praise God that He keeps providing more opportunities. I cannot wait to see where God takes me, but through this experience I know I can trust in Him and see that He is better than any comfort.

"All the earth will shout 

Your praise,

Our hearts will cry,

These bones will sing,

Great are You, Lord!"

- Sam Jimenez

Previous blogs:

How I came to know Christ - Testimony 

How my mom came to know Christ afterwards

"On the day I called, You answered me;"

What I'm about to write is a bit difficult for me, but I know that it needs to be shared in hopes to bring glory to God. Before I knew who Christ was, I was battling with depression, panic disorder, and self harm. I had to see multiple counselors as early as elementary school, which then eventually led up to high school. It got to the point where I had to take numerous proscribed medications to help me try to be normal and not mentally-ill. The pills were there to help me sleep, to help with my anxiety, and to help ease my depression that was clinical. Panic attacks were something that I was forced to become familiar with, and I quickly had to master how to deal with them as they came abruptly. There were multiple times where I would have a panic attack even if I was just sitting in a classroom, but thankfully all my teachers were extremely understanding and allowed me to leave the classroom to go calm down in the hallway alone. Having these episodes made me feel stuck in a loop hole of never ending trauma that didn't just affect me physically, but also emotionally. Worst off, I had the feeling that I would never get "fixed." It genuinely made me feel out of control of my own body and mind, and the disease stole all the life and energy I had within me. I was under the impression that I was battling with myself and that this was all my own fault. This led to me only seeing one option left - self harm. I would cut myself on my arms and wrists from 5th grade up until the end of high school. It wasn't until a few years in where my mom found out, and I can still remember her bangs on the bathroom door telling me to put the knife down because she just knew I was about to do it.  This was the day where she made me talk to a therapist, and the day where she would call my dad for a family meeting. Yet, through all the family meetings, trips to the doctors for medication, and visits to therapists... I still felt unsatisfied and was still searching for the one true thing that would save me. The one true thing that would heal me.  At the time, I didn't know it would be Jesus who would save and heal me from something much bigger than my current circumstance and scars. Now I know that even through the darkness that I was in -- He was still pursuing after me with His love and grace that would transform me.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."(John 1:1-5 ESV)

During high school, my heart was harden towards God and I just didn't care about the idea of Him or heaven. My freshman year of HS I had found "the theatre", and this would be my main source of an outlet that would drastically help me with my depression and anxiety. Yet, it wasn't until my senior year of high school where I would became good friends with a few Christians in theatre. I immediately knew that there was something different about them. Yet, besides being attractive to them, I also felt envious of them because I knew all of them had grown up in church and resembled the "perfect" image of a family I've so longed for. I believed that because I didn't grow up in church like them and came from a broken home instead, that it was "too late" for me to get to know who God was. That I was too far deep into the pit of my despair and sin. I had no hope for myself and believed that the whole "God thing," was not for me.  

However, the summer before my freshman year of college I became curious to figure out the truth on who God really was and to see if He really was real. It wasn't until then, that I could feel my heart changing towards God. It was softening, and I was seeking after truth. I was suppose to go to a different college (my dream school), but at the last minute it did not work out financially. After that, I felt stuck and just lost on where I was suppose to be or go. So, after sobbing in my bedroom alone one night: I prayed for the first time. It was awkward, and strange but I cried my heart out and just asked for Him to lead me. A couple of days later, I got a letter in the mail from a different college that I had been thinking about in the back of my mind, and the letter was basically saying how it "wasn't too late" to sign up and that "this could be your new home." Something was telling me that I needed to go to this school instead, and I'm glad I listened to that voice because this would be where I would find Christ.

My first worship and bible study - "WideAwake" with the BSM at UTA. You can see me in the light blue at the back row.

 I followed what I felt was calling me to go to UTA, and once I was settled at my dorm finally (which Lord willing I received the last available dorm, allowing me to attend UTA) - I heard a knock at the door. Unfortunately I was too late to answer, but the person who knocked slipped a flyer under my door to me. I remember reading the flyer and first seeing, "Bible study" on it and immediately felt like this was out of my element and comfort zone. I didn't know anything about the Bible, but something was telling me to just go. So, I forced myself to put on a dress (I assumed I had to look "nice" for this, like church.) and I went to Wide Awake by myself, which seemed really scary to me and I knew I would had to deal with my anxiety. Once I arrived at Wide Awake, I put on a name tag but was too anxious to be around the large groups of people that were outside the theatre where it was held. So naturally I went straight to my seat without talking to anyone or meeting anyone yet, and sat next to people I didn't know who had already been sitting down. Everything about that night was different - I had never been to a worship service before nor had been to a small group to read the Bible. However, when worship was going on, I saw how much everyone loved their God. And even if I didn't know God at the time, I knew that He was loved and praised by them. It was during worship where I felt a sense of peace for the first time, and I started to cry because I felt overwhelmed (a good sense of overwhelmed.) I felt something telling me that this is why I was meant to be here, at this moment. When the director of the BSM (Gary) announced we were going to read the Bible in small groups, my first immediate thought was I was going to be the only person who didn't have a Bible. Once we got into small groups, I met all the leaders who were friendly, loving, and extremely welcoming, so I felt comfortable around them. I didn't know how to read the Bible - literally, so when it came my turn to read a verse, I didn't even know what a verse was. Although, I remember saying that night (as we went around the group talking about where we are with God) that "I didn't know who God was, but one day I'd like to find out."
 

“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” (Romans 10:13)

Myself and Putti! Right after I prayed to receive Christ.

On September 5th of 2013, I was told the gospel for the very first time and accepted Christ that day. It wasn't an act of impulse, but it was something that I knew was the right time for me to do it - I was ready. Not because I had "cleaned myself up," but I was ready to completely and totally surrender my life to Christ, not by anything I've done but because of what He has already done. An intern at the BSM named Putti, whom I had met a few weeks earlier in my small group at Wide Awake, had wanted to meet up with me for lunch. So on this Thursday afternoon we met, and I assumed it would of just been a "Get to know you" type lunch and that was it. However, she begin to ask me a lot of spiritual questions after asking me a lot of basic questions about high school and my family. Putti then asked me if I heard the gospel before, and my immediate reaction was that I wasn't sure what that even meant, because all I knew about the word gospel was from the regular "gospel" music. I felt silly, but I told her I've never heard the gospel before. She then spent about the next hour or so explaining to me the gospel of Jesus Christ, and afterwards she called a response from me. At first, I told her no - I didn't want to accept. I didn't want to accept Christ because I still felt like I wasn't clean enough, and that I didn't know everything about God yet and that I didn't feel ready because I've never read the Bible yet. She then told me the gospel over and over again in different forms, and all of a sudden it just finally started working in my heart. God started working in my heart. All my doubts and insecurities diminished, and all I heard instead was God speaking to me that I was ready. He was knocking, and it was my time to open and receive. I then prayed to received Christ, and it was all by the Grace of God.

"On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul. All the kings of the earth will give thanks to You, O LORD, When they have heard the words of Your mouth. And they will sing of the ways of the LORD, For great is the glory of the LORD." (Psalms 138:3-5)

 

Since then, God has been changing me and molding me more and more into Him. I've had many struggles as a new believer, and had moments of doubt, confusion and insecurities- yet He was there with me through it all. I'm not going to lie and pretend that I'm now suddenly perfect - there have been temptations of past struggles and sin, and even giving into those temptations. Yet, He has wrapped me with His everlasting love, and has given me new Godly desires instead of my old fleshly desires. He has replaced my heart of stone and has given me a heart of flesh. He has placed on my heart love for others and to be kind and serve them - something that I would of never had wanted to do on my own, but only through the power of Christ. For "His loving kindness is everlasting." A love that runs deeper than any sin within me - past, present or future.

God had shown me Grace, I want to show people grace. 

God had shown me His love, I wan to show people His love. 

God had told me to GO out onto the nations, I am willing to go. 

Last September of 2014, I felt God calling me in particular to go to East Asia to tell people who He is, and I'm glad I listened because I did end up being able to go, and it was there in East Asia where I found new realizations on who God is while I was telling others. It was there in East Asia where I found where I want to continue serving for years to come- if He wills. (Next blogpost will be about my experiences in East Asia!)

Your Friend,

Sam

By His Grace, You Are Saved.

"Therefore having such a hope, we use great boldness in our speech," - 2 Corinthians 3:12

My mom and I starting the first chapter of our discipleship booklet. #IcedCoffeeofcourse

I came from hearing about the Gospel for the first time during my third week of college - to then be surrounded, discipled, and having constant fellowship with my new brothers and sisters in Christ. I was under a strong, solid, and caring community that was protecting me and guiding me for 8 solid months. All while I was going to various bible studies every week, and to then become a leader for the campus ministry I was apart of. To jump from that (which in itself was VERY different for me and took time to adjust), to now being back in my old environment back home where I only knew two or three Christians, with the rest being all friends back from High School who did not know the Lord, just how I had been a year earlier.

Most importantly, I knew that I would come home as a completely different person -- a person who no longer lives for herself, but for Christ who lives in me. (Galatians 2:20) A person who is no longer alive in the flesh but alive in the spirit. (Romans 6:11) A person who wasn't really just a person anymore, but rather a child of God now through faith. (Galatians 3:26) I wasn't the same Sam the last time I was home, and I knew coming home would be a challenge in the sense that I would be pushed more than ever to pursue after God on my own, and pushed to run to Him without anyone holding my hand anymore. 

Towards the end of the school year, at a leadership meeting sharing how it went when I told my best friend the gospel after she started asking me questions on how she could become a Christian.

At the start, I didn't really touch base with my family a lot on what was going on with me and my relationship with the Lord. Most of them were unbelievers, and early on one vocalized it bluntly with me that they would never become a believer and for me to "stop praying and wasting time" on them to have hope that one day they would become a child of God. I was discouraged and crushed after that, seeing how I was just two months in being a believer to now hearing this person tell me that so nonchalantly was pretty hard to hear. 

When I first became a believer I was immediately under attack by the enemy, and that itself was something new and something I didn't know how to properly deal with at the time. I know now that it was all lies he was telling me, but at the time I was having a difficult time trying to pick out what was true and what wasn't. I felt a wall against me and reaching out to other people about my faith, and it would be from insecurity that the enemy had kept yelling at me that I could never be strong enough, or even smart enough to tell people about Jesus. I never went out with my campus ministry when they did evangelism every Friday afternoon. I wasn't confident in myself, but then I realized that I didn't need to be confident in myself, but that I needed to be confident in God. It was Him who saved, and not by my own power. I realized that not wanting to go evangelize just because of my own fear of how they would look at me was selfish was insulting to God, and questioning His powers. I realized that I had a bigger fear of man, than I did of God.

So, It wasn't until toward the end of my first semester where I fully understood that it wasn't me or my own words that would have someone to come to know the Lord, but that it was His Holy Spirit in me that equipped me. I suddenly had a great love and fire for evangelism. That I was called to go and share the Gospel, and it was the fear of God I had that fueled my obedience for Him. I suddenly knew just HOW powerful the Gospel truly was, and it was because of the gospel itself that made me want to tell everyone about Jesus.

"Go home to your people and report to them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He had mercy on you." Mark 5:19

I went into the summer being a bit envious of all of my friends who were flying out to different states and countries on mission trips and I was just one of the few who were stuck back at home. However, the Lord sure did tell me that He had a different plan for me this summer. He told me that I was going to be on a mission, but instead of traveling to a different location I would be traveling back home to tell my family the good news of Jesus Christ. I knew that I would have to fight against my flesh, my fears, and my anxiety that I would "say something dumb" or wrong to someone while sharing with them the good news. Because chances are is that regardless, I'm always going to say something dumb and sometimes I am indeed wrong. However, I knew the truth of the Gospel, and it is that sweet truth that has brought me a new hope. As Paul says in 2 Corinthians, we are to use great boldness in our speech because we have hope. Paul preached the new covenant "fearlessly, without hesitation or timidity." It is not my words, but His. It is not my own power to save, but it is His. I am not alone while sharing the good news, but I am carried by Him. Understanding this now, my heart was set on telling the gospel to my mother.

Right before the bible study we went to in a church in Dallas. Of course we took a #selfie.

Towards the start of summer, my mother randomly told me one day that she wanted to go to a bible study. I immediately was FILLED with such joy and I knew that The Lord has been at work in her. We went to the bible study, and she became more and more hungry for God. I knew that God was telling me that He wanted me to share with her now all that He's done for me and to tell her the Gospel. From the past, I knew my mom went to different churches when I was younger but then stopped all together before I went into middle school. Now in the present time, I wasn't sure where she was in her relationship with the Lord, or even if she had one or wanted one in the first place. However, I did notice that during the school year she was extremely supportive of my decision to follow Jesus. She was one of the few family members who came to my baptism, and then afterwards cried with me and told me how proud of me she was. My heart was set then to have more spiritual conversations with her. So I knew that during summer, I would tell her the gospel.

It was May 16th, and I remember feeling a bit nervous and tweeting minutes before me sharing with her the good news to ask for prayers, and I also texted all my close friends to pray for me and for encouragement. It's incredible how God works, and moments before sitting down with her on my bed to tell her the good news, I knew that I was called to do this, and I knew that my obedience towards God outweighed my feelings. My trust in him was stronger than my feelings. My feelings of anxiety vanished, and I was just left with the Grace of God that has saved me. I was left with hope, the very hope that my mother would understand the gospel and Lord willing, come to know him. 

Minutes after my mom accepted Jesus into her life!!!! Praise the Lord!! May 16, 2014. #SobbingSam

I first told my mom all what God has done in my life this past school year. I told her the changes in me, and that it is evident that God is real and alive because of this transformation I've been going through that couldn't had come from just me, but from a higher power: Him. I then asked her if she would like to hear the gospel, (After first asking her if she knew what the "Gospel" was/meant and her replying back that she didn't know it.) and after she cheerfully said yes she would like to know more about God, I knew that this was a opportunity orchestrated by God Himself.   

I begin to ask her questions to see where she was at with her knowledge about God, and then decided to use both the bridge illustration and the blue booklet I've used many times during evangelism at school. They were great and useful tools that tell the gospel in a simple, but assuring way. She was focused, and asked great questions that helped me confirm that she was truly interested in this. I asked her if she knew what grace was, and she didn't. It was a real humbling moment for me, because I was in the same place she was a year earlier. I didn't know what grace was, and looking back now I am so grateful to God that I do have His grace. It is because of His grace that I was even there sitting with her, telling her about it.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works,  so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

I explained to her what it was, and then we continued to go through the bridge illustration and booklet. We went through the verses together in the booklet, and after talking to her I realized that she was under the impression that to have God you have to do certain things. Such as go to church all the time, pray, and be a good person in general. My heart went out to her immediately after I heard her say that, because I was in the same place that I thought it was by works that we had to get God. This is where I told her the gospel by the Grace of God and his holy spirit. The powerful gospel that there is nothing we can physically do to get God, because it's not about what we can do but it's about what He has already done. 

It then got to the point in the booklet where it asked if you want to continue to have yourself at the throne of your life and Christ at the outside, or to have Christ on the throne of your life and to have yourself on the outside. She told me that she wanted herself on the outside, and to have Christ on the throne, in the center of everything. I immediately started to cry of joy, and then continued to tell her to process of accepting Jesus into her life and what that meant and looked like. I told her about the prayer, the same prayer I prayed and millions of others have prayed to accept Jesus. She then prayed to receive Christ on her own, and then afterwards I prayed for her out loud while holding her hand and it was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever witnessed. It wasn't beautiful because it was my mother and I , but that we weren't just mother and daughter anymore. We were now sisters in Christ, and she was now a child of God just how I am. 

"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching." I Timothy 4:12-13

I thank God and give HIM all the Glory because it is truly from Him that my mother is saved. I praise God because he has entrusted me with his Gospel enough to be His vessel and tell her about Him. He had pursued after her just as he has pursued after me and millions of others. This whole experience has been so humbling, and it has made my faith grow even stronger. Recently, my mother and I have started a bible study together with a booklet called, "Growing in Christ." We did the first chapter of the booklet (Assurance of salvation) last week in a Starbucks, and we just finished the second chapter (Assurance of prayer) tonight at a local park. When we did the first chapter, we reached the end of it where it asked what all she noticed that has been different about her since she got saved. I'll never forget what she said. She told me that she's noticed a dramatic difference to her -- and that her customers at work have even noticing it and have been asking her why she's been smiling so much lately. She told me that when they ask her that, that she tells them it is because of JESUS. Praise God that she is already telling others about Him!! She told me that she has a new peace, and a new comfort that could only been from Him. Praise God that it is already this evident of His work in her to others around her. Praise God that she is a light to those around her, and spreading His love to those she sees every day. That, is a God thing and I'm so happy to see her grow and be filled with His joy. 

Yesterday, at the park going through discipleship in God's beautiful nature. #WhatABlessingYall 

This has been my first time to go through the booklet with anyone, and my first time alone to even disciple someone. Yet, God has taught me that I can do all things through Him, and that He will give me the power and knowledge needed to help my mother and myself grow closer to Him. Walking with her and teaching her scripture has been a crazy experience. Crazy for me, in the sense there I'm 19 (almost 20 #yikes) and here I am teaching my mother instead of her teaching me. 

This is what makes the gospel so powerful: it is for everyone. There is no age limit, nor gender or even time limit that stops us from getting Jesus. That's incredible and I'll never undervalue the gospel because it is everywhere, because He is everywhere. His grace is enough, and by that I mean it is enough to save and transform people into His children. His grace is all we need, and I am forever praising God that we get his grace daily, and that we do not owe Him anything because He has already paid our debt by his blood on the cross. 

After the church service the day my mom said she wanted to be baptized!

A few weeks ago, my mother announced to the church (and myself) that she is ready to be BAPTIZED!!! Praise the Lord!! Her obedience to follow His word and her faith strong and firm enough to proclaim it to everyone around her in baptism is super encouraging and humbling. I know that it is the Lord's work in her that has made her ready now to get baptized. She will be baptized on Sunday evening, August 24, at First Irving Church. It's an evening of celebrating all what God is doing in the church, with testimonial videos (including yours truly and my mother) and about 6 baptisms that night, including my mom. My mom and I have been so fortunate to find a wonderful Godly home church together this summer. Everyone has been extremely helpful and welcoming to my mom and I, and it truly is a church family we've made. I'm sad that I won't be able to attend First Irving while I'm at school in Arlington, but I know that the church will take great care of my mom and I'm overwhelmed by their goodness and servant hearts that inspires me beyond Sunday mornings. The Sunday celebration is going to be a great night of praising God for all that he's done for so many people and we would love for you to come join us celebrate! If you'll want details for this then just let me know and we would love to include you. 

I wanted to end this to say thank you personally to all the friends and family members who have shown nothing but love and support for my mother. Immediately after I posted about my mother being saved I got a flood of text, phone calls, messages and comments just praising God for it. It brings me no greater joy than for us as a family to bring HIM all the glory for all that He has done through us. Your love and words have been stored in our hearts forever, and has been encouraging us daily. I hope in some way our story encourages you.


Your friend,

Sam Jimenez